Tote: I only read books recommended to me by characters in books. (While reading Vandover and the Brute, recommended by a character in This Side of Paradise.)
Monica: I feel bad because I'm driving. I can't see anything.
Tote: Good thing we're in New Jersey so it doesn't matter.
Mark: So, how is Colleen?
Emma: Colleen has many words of wisdom.
Mark: Like what?
Emma [pulling out her phone and reading]: 'The bottom line is nothing matters, but if you live that way everything sucks.'
An older woman on her cellphone, overheard at the pool which has a bunch of ersatz Roman statues around it and a fake waterfall: This is the most beautiful place in the world.
Mark (thinking): This must be a mental ward
Monica: [pointing at her clothes, all black and white, hanging the closet] Look at my clothes!
Mark: Um. Okay.
Monica: Aren't you glad to be traveling with such a color-coordinated traveller.
Mark: Today is a holiday?
Desk clerk: Yes.
Mark: Why is it a holiday?
Desk clerk: For elderly people.
Mark: Like me?
Desk clerk: Yes, like you.Then at the Edo Era garden, when I pulled out a discount coupon, the gentleman at the gate pointed out the sign that said those over 65 get a much bigger discount. Hmm.
Mark: Wow! How much is in there?
Monica: $35.
Mark: Hmm. I guess that would do it. Monica: I figured I could talk them down.
Monica: I love walking on these market streets! . . . I don't care what they are selling.
Mark: Good because for the last two blocks it has been rubber tubing and faucets.
Monica: I love rubber tubing and faucets!
So we went. And so did nearly everyone else. -- MarkYoung man at our hotel: Are you going to the wedding?
Mark: No.
Young man: Why not?
Mark: Well, I wasn't invited.
Young man (smiling): That is not the Turkish way.
Mark: Everyone goes?
Young man: Everyone goes.
Monica: Happy wife; happy life. "Wife" and "life" rhyme. Good thing you're not Turkish.
Mark: Huh?
Monica: If you spoke Turkish they wouldn't rhyme, and you wouldn't know the secret to a happy life.
Mark: These ruins go back to centuries BC; seems so tremendously old that the modern era is so short. But we've really made progress since then.
Monica: What do you mean?
Mark: Well, slavery is no longer tolerated, much less the norm. The idea that individuals have rights; that they are entitled to more than what the powerful people say they get. Woman's rights . . .
Monica: Oh. I thought you meant twitter.
Monica: I want to know what those sultans looked like. Can you get me on their home pages?
Mark: I think you should get twin lobsters to celebrate.
Monica: No. That's way too much lobster.
Mark: But you love lobster.
Monica: No. No. No. No. That's way too much.
[Later, after having eaten two lobsters . . . .]Monica: Well, that was just about the right amount of food.
Motorcyclist: I'm camping. The motels here, even the bad ones are way too expensive. I'd rather be eaten by mosquitos and pay $55 than be eaten by bed bugs and pay $140.
Monica: Every time I see a picnic table, I want to lay on it. Is that normal?
Mark: So, do you have bats in the house?
Michael: Sometimes.
Mark: How do you get rid of them.
Michael: We have these crab nets that we use to catch the bats. . . .well, we never catch any crabs with those nets. They're bat nets, really, that we use for crabbing.
Mark: We've now ridden over 300 miles!
Monica: You just tell me big fat ones like that so that I'll feel better.
Mark: No I don't.
Monica: You should!
Monica: I was just snippity snap!
Mark: What?
Monica: Pop. Pop.
Mark: What?
Monica: Jabba jabba. You know what I mean!
Mark: No idea.
Monica: That means I had too much coffee.
Mark: I can't believe you are 83!-- Mark
Demetri: Only until August.
Monica: That person didn't need to honk like that. I was going to go.
Mark: Yep. Even a polite toot.
Monica: That's why I did my hand like this. [Making an indecipherable motion with her hand.]
Mark: I just gave her the finger.
Monica: You didn't!
Mark: Yes I did.
Monica: Really?!
Mark: Yes.
Monica: You shouldn't do that.
Mark: This is New Jersey. I'm just trying to fit in.
Monica: Do you think this could be a sympathy card?
Mark: I don't know. I don't see any writing.
Monica: Let's get it then.
Mark: Wait a second. What's that right there? That might be writing. Those black squiggles there. Is that writing or part of the design? Let me check. ...
Mark: [To student-looking person] Excuse me. What does this mean?
Student-looking Person: That says "Congratulations."
Monica: [laughing] Oops. Good thing we asked.
Mark: [laughing] Well, maybe they don't read Korean.
I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.-- Mark
I threw your sh*t into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.
I don't care, I love it. I don't care.
Mark: Better not mention to Lucy what we are eating.
Duncan: Why not?
Mark: Because Aunt Lucy really likes horses.
Duncan: So do I. They taste really good.
Mark: I'd like to play that Japanese game you think is good.
Duncan: It's pretty good but the tuna boats are way too powerful.
October 19 - 28th "Usagi-san" Rabbit Contest
Is your bunny having a good "hare" day? Enter them in this unique rabbit event . . . ! Includes bite-bite race, name-call race, health check by a vet and more. Lapin Club membership is required for entry, but spectators are welcome to watch for free.
Please do not carry . . . into the hotel . . .Things with loathsome smell.And . . .
Not allowed to . . . behave in a demoralizing manner in the hotel.--Mark
Mr. Bun: I see that you were once a very handsome man.
Me: (laughing) "Once"?
Mr. Bun: (slightly discomfited) I mean . . . before you got old.
-- Mark
Monica: Maybe we should go visit the silk farm.
Me: Sure, if we have time.
Monica: I love silkworms.
Me: I've never heard you even mention silk worms.
Monica: Oh yes. Just the other day I said I would like to eat them.
Me: I thought that was tarantulas, not silk worms.
Monica: I never said either.
Monica: I had a big katydid in here last night that I had to get rid of.
Mark: Yes, I think I heard that. You said, "I have trouble dealing with these things."
Monica: I never said that.
Mark: Okay. That's what I thought I heard.
Monica: Oh. Yes. (laughing) That's what I said exactly.
Monica: Did you say good-bye to the Korean toothpaste I just threw away?
Mark: No, I wasn't aware that saying good-bye to toothpaste was required.
Monica: In foreign countries it is.