Before we left, we set out to get our house
"rent ready." The toughest task was downsizing enough to
fit all our things into storage space in one basement storage
room and the garage.
I worked at this, and I struggled with this. Our books are
largely gone. Most of the toys, school papers, artwork,
certificates, mementos, and souvenirs went in the recycling,
garbage, or to Goodwill.
No one would say they are the sum of their material possessions,
yet things can be tough to get rid of. I often felt I was
throwing away my past and disposing of my dreams. Among
the hardest things to part with were things that reminded me of
wonderful experiences and people. Then, there were the
things that made me think of the person I hoped to be and now
never shall be. But the hardest things to toss were the
things that linked us to the people Monica and I once actually
were but can never be again -- newly married, parents of young
children, etc.
Downsizing took some callousness, but also some courage and a
lot of faith. Being callous hurt -- I felt disrespectful
to friends and to myself. And parting with one's past
means that one has only the future to hold on to -- and no one
can do that -- the only thing that one can grasp are or hopes
and dreams for the future. And we're old enough to know
that not every dream or hope comes true -- this is where the
courage and faith come in.
That's why, whenever I tossed something valuable, I felt pain
but I also felt I was declaring my faith that our future will be
good.
